Brexit: Cornish & Welsh Surfers “To The Back of Lineup Queue”

EU Culture and Sports Secretary Federica Lessais has sparked controversy by suggesting that UK passport holders from regions known to have voted leave in the 2016 EU Referendum might receive less favourable treatment on Continental surf trips if the UK crashes out with No Deal on April 12th.

The quote came days after a EuroSIMA memo also suggested that online surf shops selling to the Pan European audience should be discouraged from stocking Cornish and Welsh-made surfboards in favour of other UK regions that ‘actually support the European project’.

Cornwall voted 56.5% Leave, Wales 52.5% Leave in the 2016 referendum, although probably not due to free movement of European surf trippers.

As far as we know, no European surfers have ever gone on a trip to either region out of choice when they’ve had to pay with their own money.

“Cornwall voted 56.5% Leave, Wales 52.5% Leave in the 2016 referendum, although probably not due to free movement of European surf trippers”

Meanwhile, Cockney (London voted 59.9% Remain), Scouse (Liverpool 58.2% Remain) and Scottish (62% Remain) shredders have seeked to ‘distance themselves from the Euro-hating bigots’ that inhabit the west.

“I don’t understand their problem” said Crispen Johnson-Biggs, President of Surrey University’s Surf Club, “They’ve got Waitrose down there these days… haven’t they? Croissant for breakfast, pasty for lunch. What’s the problem?”

“In fact, pasties actually originate from France, anyway,” said the club’s social secretary Clothilde Le Cundt, a History post grad. “If the 56.5% knew that, they’d probably projectile vom like those women Maggie Blackamore and Judy Pike in Little Britain.”

“There’s been a lot of Brexit chat around the dinner table, and a few fist fights, especially if we’ve served tajine for the main course, which is weird because Morocco isn’t even in the EU” said Lothar Kaiserkaus, head surf guide of a surf camp based in Portugal.

“I don’t know if it’s a backlash against the Roman (Italian) and then Anglo Saxon (German) invasions of the 1st and 5th century that saw the Brythonic cultures flee to the western extremities, before Britain was then invaded by Norsemen (Danes) in the 8th century and subsequently Normans (French) in the 11th” said the ponytailed Bavarian, “But all that is hardly Jean-Claude Juncker’s fault. They need to get over it.”

“There’s been a lot of Brexit chat around the dinner table, and a few fist fights, especially if we’ve served tajine for the main course, which is weird because Morocco isn’t even in the EU”

Another Algarve-based surf camp which asked not to be named said that while Cornish and Welsh surfers weren’t all “gammon faced Europhobes” they might still suffer the consequences of the end of frictionless trade. “If the Welsh want to have those luke warm tins of Carling when they’re over here, they’ll probably have to pay extra when WTO terms kick in.”

Meanwhile, European locals are attempting to take back control of their lineups, their laws and their money, resulting in ugly scenes in certain regions. Vehicles with St Piran’s cross and Welsh dragon bumper stickers have reportedly been waxed with ‘Leave Means Go Home’ at certain breaks in SW France.

“If the Welsh want to have those luke warm tins of Carling, they’ll probably have to pay extra when WTO terms kick in”

Can UK surfers unite and turn the ‘Up Yours Delors’ V Sign vibes from The S*n 1992 front page splash into a tube rider peace sign, with the spit forming EU member state stars in a circle of unity and stoke?

We hope so.

From all of the team here at Wavelength, Europe’s longest running surf magazine, founded in 1981, let’s spread peace, love and unity in the lineups and surf camps.

Even to the gammon faced.