Coffee & Surfing: Any Questions?

Love both surfing and coffee, in almost equal measure?

So do we.

That’s why we’ve teamed up with Origin Coffee to bring you a delicious subs offer for a limited time.

New subscribers to Wavelength’s premium print editions can currently get two free bags of Origin Coffee.

Get a Wavelength subscription & 2 free bags of Origin Coffee here

But enough about us, let’s find out a bit more about you.

Your surfing, coffee and life choices shape your destiny, so you want to get them right.

Good luck.

 

You woke up, woke, after a great night’s kip; rested and restored.

You’ve slid open the van door to check the sea state, or perhaps wiped the condensation from your porthole for a better view.

Guess what? It’s glassy as. It’s going to be another great day on Planet Earth.

Perhaps you slipped into a pair of slippers, donned a stolen hotel towelling robe and stepped downstairs to put the kettle on without delay.

Maybe you flicked on R4’s Today Programme, or maybe you’re catching up on your favourite podcast’s latest episode. By now, kettle’s roaring away…

 

1. Your hot beverage choice for the morning:

a. Coffee

b. Tea first (1 cup), then coffee (multiple cups)

c. Hot Chocolate

d. Bovril

 

2. Your go-to coffee preparation method is:

a. Filter machine

b. French Press

c. Moka Pot

d. Evil Nespresso Pellets

 

3. Your personal take on the grind:

a. Buy it ground, it’s fine.

b. Burr grinder, manual or electric, but won’t make a fuss about it in public.

c.  The World Surf League’s Qualifying Series actually has some great venues, Pipe, Cloud 9, Krui, etc, so…

d. Electric blade grinder, it’s much quicker.

 

4. Now that the delicious, intoxicating brew is ready, the “milk of thinkers and chess players”, thoughts turn to actual milk… or not

a. Splash of dairy

b. Black

c. 7/8 warm milk, 1/8 tiny splash of coffee; almost as an afterthought or a minor flavour note, rather than a main constituent of the drink that you nevertheless refer to as ‘a coffee’. When out at a high street establishment, ‘Could I get a large lar-tay?’ is your standard salutation.

d. Canary Island leche leche from a tube.

5. As of today, the most regrettable coffee-related comment you made, suddenly becoming self-aware with the phrase half complete, and alas committed, was something like:

a. “Excuse me… I actually ordered a cortadito”

b. “The trouble with kitchen top espresso is, well they generally fail to generate the 9 bar of pressure required…”

c. “I was actually one of the first people I know to get a WWF reusable take-out cup, so…”

 

6. The dreaded shakes has set in, surely from caffeine OD. Trouble is, you’re in the lineup. Do you…

a. Prone in on next wave for an immediate camomile brew – the valium of herbal teas.

b. Bosh a pint of water, maybe eat something… whenever you’re back on land.

c. Start to regret that 3rd petrol station can of Red Bull.

 

“Bulletproof Coffee: The Instagram generation’s bovine cruelty & pseudo science based liquid tribute to its almost limitless self-regard”

 

7. You’re in a suburban scenario, meeting a comrade or potential love interest for coffee:

a. Starbucks/Costa etc. You know the menu. Plus, distressed leather club chairs…

b. Nearest non-wanky local independent small biz that serves both good product but perhaps more important, wholesome planetary vibes.

c. Anywhere where barista has forearm sleeve tatts, Victorian butcher’s beard and piercings.

 

8. Coffee makes me:

a Wee

b Poo & wee

c Hashtag

d Have great ideas about projects, collabs, workspaces…

 

9. Complete the following statement about Bulletproof Coffee.

a) Never heard of it

b) The Instagram generation’s bovine cruelty & pseudo science based liquid tribute to its almost limitless self-regard

c) A totally great way to stay keto!

 

10. If you had to pick one surfcraft/coffee combo for the rest of your life…

a) Nescafe / any board I wanted

b) Espresso / mid-length

c) Cans of Starbucks Caramel Latte / Pink Catch Surf 5’2″

d) No coffee ever again / Hypto Krypto

Get a Wavelength subscription & 2 free bags of Origin Coffee here

Answers

Mostly a: You’re not a bad person, but there’s room for improvement.

Mostly b: Look at you. While human, and thus inherently flawed, you’re putting a wholesome value set as central to being your authentic self. Bravo.

Mostly c: You’re semi well-intentioned some of the time, just a bit… lost.

Any d’s: You need to seriously rethink at least some, but possibly every assumption you’ve ever had about the world we live in.