As we say goodbye to 2020, it’s time for one last little look back on the year that was (before we never, ever dare breathe a mention of it ever again) by testing your knowledge of the world of surfing over the last twelve months.
The Nazaré Tow Challenge was almost remembered for all the wrong reasons, as Alex Botelho’s dramatic crash in the last five minutes of competition resulted in a harrowing rescue and resuscitation on Praia da Norte.
Andrew Cotton and Tom Butler made up Team GB, caught some bombs and fortunately avoided mishap. Given the rigours of tow surfing in giant waves in freezing surf, nutrition is a key part of preparation. The night before the event, Cotty was spotted by WL spies getting his din dons in Nazaré’s picturesque old town.
1. With which evening meal did Cotty prepare for a historic day of life threatening surf?
a) Baked fish in one of those traditional Portuguese restaurants with tiles on every surface, waiters in white shirts and black school trousers, bits of fishing rope etc dangling and lobsters on death row in a bubble tank for hungry sadists.
b) Nazaré Tandoori. In a minor squabble over their order, Butler was heard saying “Four?!? Four nan bread Andrew? That’s insane…”
c) Take away pizza.
d) Doner kebab, white sauce, but no chilli.
2. O.G. Surf journo, author, Port Eliot Festival (RIP) superfan and former pro Jamie Brisick was in town reporting on the event for Huck. Not included in his report, but in an observation made in private, which animal behaviour did Brisick compare winner Kai Lenny’s repeated chop hop spins at the top of 50ft-ers to?
a) Flipper the dolphin.
b) A performing seal.
c) Richmond park viral deer chasing dog Fenton.
d) Tank the penguin from Surf’s Up.
3. Azores based Nazaré charger Hugo Vau has taken a lower key approach to garage/HQ/base camp at the port, opting for an old shipping container and a rickety yellow camper van. What classic surf vehicle serves as both Hugo’s accomo and kitchen?
a) Ford Transit
b) VW Transporter
c) one of those Lada truck thingies usualy found in carparks in the Algarve with the chimney pot, proprietor with one long dread and undone clompy leather boots, full quiver of juggling accoutrements.
d) Mercedes Vito
4. Maya Gabeira has paid her dues at Praia da Norte. In September 2020, she beat her own Guinness World Record for the biggest wave surfed by a woman (albeit in controversial circumstances). Earlier in the year, she featured in a promo clip towing Naz with a jetski, board and wetsuit (and dyed hair) festooned in the livery of which film?
a) Frozen 2
b) Sonic The Hedgehog
d) The Devil All The Time
5. The Hastings Storm surfer episode typified 2020’s toxic internet pile ons, with the surfer getting widespread comment pelters for his recklessness, and even old WL getting called out in Hastings In Focus for Luke Gartside’s op-ed In Defence of the Hastings Storm Surfer. Whereas Harold, last Anglo Saxon king was defeated at Hastings by taking Norman arrow to the eye as depicted in the Bayeux Tapestry, the storm surfer escaped without serious injury, merely described as “somewhat cold” by an RNLI spokesperson.
Despite being less than 2m from standing up on dry sand in the Hastings shorey, the surfer later washed in board-less after a lengthy swim, 6 miles away at…?
a) Rye Bay
6. In much different ocean conditions, Australia’s East Coast lit up during the austral winter lockdown, with Sydney reef Deadman’s being ridden by a hardcore crew of local underground chargers. The best ride featured one such hhhhhhmadman, Chris Loughton, with a mental tube that was called the best wave ever ridden in Sydney. When not taming historic tunnels, what does Chris-o do for a living?
b) Personal trainer (short back n’ sides, massive beard, huge arms, sad little eyes)
d) Bali-based influencer, content creator, bikini designer & life coach
7. Kelly Slater was holed up in Australia for much of the lockdown at his Gold Coast apartment, making the most of swells at nearby Lennox, among other east coast spots. Like so many of us, Slats also felt long arm of the law, wasn’t immune from the sensation of hot, rancid Babylon breath on the nape of his beautiful and hardly wrinkled considering, neck. What did Kelly take to Insty to lament?
a) ‘I was told by authorities I couldn’t stand and look at the ocean today’
b) ‘I was told by authorities I could play the back nine, but not a full round’
c) ‘I was told by authorities that I couldn’t surf, but I could watch’
8. Still in Slater Insty news, Kelly became embroiled in a comment thread following accusations of being racist after posting about Chinese fishing vessels near Galapagos. Match the expletive, drug and adjective the GoAT used in response:
“Writing me out of the blue talking ___ is such a crock of shit. Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is _____. You’re on ___. You’re a miserable ____. And now you’re blocked.”
a) bollocks, plant-based, crack, twat
b) shit, Chinese, glue, coward
c) crap, hot, drank, bellend
d) shit, Chinese, mushrooms, pussyole
9. Taj Burrow, not known for using his platform for particularly controversial, nor interesting material, posted on a conspiracy theory that some have linked to Covid-19. Which topic/quesiton?
a) 9/11 – What temperature does jet fuel burn….?
b) Veganism – What about calcium/Vit B12?
c) Lunar landings – Why was there wind on the flag?
d) 5G – Why is free thought so ridiculed?
10. Kanoa Igarashi spent his spring lockdown in his adopted home of Portugal, and courted some controversy for surfing spots located far from home. Despite that, he maintained support of hundreds of thousands of fans in the US, Japan, Europe and across the world via his Twitter.
Rank Kanoa’s tweets in order of increasing popularity (by retweet):
a) “I believe everything happens for a reason but sometimes I feel like you’re just wasting your time.”
b) “Not even the devil can afford my soul”
c) “Real eyes realize real lies”
d) “People used to say “bless you” when you sneezed but nowadays people be like “what the hell you doing sneezing get outta here”
11. Meanwhile, elsewhere in surfing in Covid restrictions news, which surfer said, of autumn’s Epsilon swell?
“Oh fuck, of course it would happen during lockdown… The original idea was just to have respect for the locals and not to offend anyone. My friends are based in the area and we spoke to a lot of the locals before and they were buzzing people were out there. Everyone was in their cars, adhering to Covid protocols, as were we. In the harbour, with the safety briefing, we had masks on and all that stuff. It was pretty professional.”
a) Lucas Chumbo on Nazaré
b) Kai Lenny on Maverick’s
c) Connor Macquire on Mullaghmore
d) Albee Layer on Jaws
Whereas Britain left Europe on 31st Jan 2020 (although remains under EU regs until tonight, 31st Dec 2020), the WSL waited until November to release news that it, too was leaving Europe off its schedule for the 2021 Championship Tour (Wavelength readers got the scoop back in May, of course). The Euro WCT events have included Hossegor, Mundaka and Portugal, and go back to 2001.
12. Unlike, Rees-Mogg, Farage, Cummings et al. which of the following surfers has not had a major win in Europe?
a) Mick Lowe
b) CJ Hobgood
c) Taj Burrow
d) Neco Padaratz
Part of the fall out of Britain’s leaving the EU is further uncertainty over the Scottish independence question, with 15 continuous polls all majority in favour of breaking from the Union.
13. Meanwhile, in something of souring of Anglo-Caledonian relations during the pandemic, locals at Scotland’s premier break Thurso East threatened English surfers in what way?
a) The lineup belted out a rousing rendition of Flower of Scotland with particular emphasis on “And sent him homeward, tae think again” as an English surfer paddled out.
b) Locals lined up and mooned a group of Cornish pros in the car park pre paddle out mimicking the Battle of Sterling upkilt scene from Braveheart.
c) A female member of the local surfing community left a used face mask under the windscreen wiper of an English surfer’s vehicle with “fuck off home” written on it.
14. With the WSL’s reboot for 2021 season kicking off in Hawaii in late 2020 at Pipeline and Honolua Bay, how did the wozzle get around the 808 state’s tricky permitting regulations?
a) By making a sizeable contribution to the ‘Keep The Country Country: Defend oahu Coalition’
b) By rebranding the Hydroflask Billabong Pipemasters in Memory of Andy Irons “a non-spectator film production”
c) By donating to Hawaiian congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard’s 2024 campaign
15. Match the surf media outlet to its 2020 news.
i. Australia’s Surfing World, ii. Surfer Magazine, iii. Stab, iv. Wavelength
a) Announced a digital subscription model
b) Went bust after 58 years in print
c) Bought and relaunched by Sean Doherty & Jon Frank
d) Continued as a reader-supported independently published title with two premium print editions per year offering fantastic subscription deals, about to celebrate entering its fifth decade in 2021 as Europe’s longest running surf magazine.
1c 2b 3a 4a 5a 6c 7a 8b 9d 10 b-d-a-c 11c 12c 13c 14b 15 i:c ii:b iii:a iv:d